Another Life Lesson - Silver Lining

So much has happened in the last month, it's been insane. I remember chatting to a friend early in June and she asked what was new and I said not too much, same old same old, for the last month or so I was just wishing for "same old same old." So let me start from the beginning. About 6 months ago I started noticing our Guinea Pig, Charlotte seemed to be getting skinny. I remember that the vet said that's a sign that there's something wrong. Every morning I would wake up and wonder if I was going to find her dead in her cage. Then there was Chloe who loved Charlotte so much. Charlotte didn't love Chloe, and preferred to be alone, but Chloe loved Charlotte and didn't want to be alone, she was so attached to that baby girl. So then we knew that if we put Charlotte down we would have to find a home for Charlotte. We realized things were getting worse for her after my Dad had been in the hospital for a week. We picked her up and she was so skinny and was blind now. We knew we had to do something. On top of everything we were leaving for Vegas really soon and we knew my parents couldn't look after the pigs and Jacob. We couldn't ask someone to look after an animal that was so sick, it wasn't right.

So let me get the timeline right. June 23, 2011 my Dad was admitted to the hospital. Probably the scariest night of my life. I wasn't okay. June 26, 2011 took Jacob to the vet and talked to our Vet about Charlotte. Knew we had to put her down before we went to Vegas, Dad still in hospital. Visiting everyday and spending as much time there as possible.  2 more days with the kids 2 more days of work. June 30th, 2011 - Last day of work - visited Dad at the hospital for several hours - waiting to hear if we found a home for Chloe. Went to Airdrie to get Jacob (He had a sleepover) phoned the lady who wanted Chloe and secured a home. Drove home and Jordan put Charlotte on the grass (so she could a last hurrah) and she was so happy. Drove to the vet to say goodbye to Charlotte. Crying and lots of crying. Mom comes over to help. Get everything ready for Chloe. Chloe goes to a new home, a great home! Then Jordan and I have a really hard night. July 1st - Found out I have bronchitis and am on antibiotics. July 1st - No school!! Visiting Dad everyday until we go to Vegas. July 4th go to Vegas, Dad has his angiogram - it was clear!!! July 7th - we were driving to Arizona, Dad was allowed to go home. July 8th - finally home.

Now I know a lot of people were asking me what was happening with my Dad and I tried my best to write back and let people know. But I was so overloaded, working all day, hospital in the evening, too much crying, it was hard. **PROMISE TO GET TO THE SILVER LINING**  So here's the deal. About a month ago he found out he had an increased heart beat. Wasn't serious at that point as he was supposed to try medication and get it figured out. Then on June 23rd he went for a stress test and his oxygen and pulse were not good. His pulse was 150! So he was admitted to the hospital. He was on 5 different I.V. bags and on oxygen. He wasn't doing well for the first few days. I was there and his pulse was 157! Should be 60-80. Because of this he was retaining water (almost 30 pounds of it) around his heart, his chest and in his abdomen. They had to do what they could to get him to loose the water without hurting his kidneys, it was a slow process. Slowly he started to turn around and he even came to meet me at the elevators as I was coming up to visit him. Then slowly he was only on one I.V. bag and his oxygen was needed less and less. Then just before we went to Vegas (It was a hard decision to go!!!), but my Dad wasn't hooked up to I.V.s or Oxygen! He looked great and was feeling better!!! So all in all he is home, his pulse is finally controlled, they don't know what caused it!! But now my Dad is doing everything he can to ensure he doesn't end up back in the hospital. He is inspirational! You should see this guy - walking like crazy and eating SO healthy!! He's amazing.

So I called my blog silver lining. I wanted to share with you all the praises in this tough time. I knew that so many people were praying for my Dad - it was so obvious to me that he was taken care of by God. Thank you guys! All this stuff with my Dad is now preventing him from having a heart attack and now he gets to live the rest of his life healthy and happy! That's a great silver lining - that now I get to have a father for years to come and he gets to continue his life!!! In the end, all of this saved his life! AMEN! With our Guinea's - It's a relief not worrying about finding my guinea not alive in her cage anymore, and I feel so good about the home Chloe went to. In the end Charlotte is no longer suffering, and Chloe has a great home! AMEN!!! Even my Bronchitis - my aunt is an RN and my uncle is a doctor (On my Dad's side) and she called my uncle and had him send antibiotics in for me, so I didn't have to wait forever in a walk in clinic and got the right medications ASAP! AMEN!!!

I have really learned that there is a silver lining. That even though it feels like walking through fire there is relief and God gives us so much peace. Keep praying for our family as we really need it. But that's it, that's all. That's my silver lining blog. I hope that when you go through difficult times you can rest assured that there will be a silver lining - God's promise to us!!! He is so good! I will try to remember this too as I know there will be many times when I am going through things and feel like there isn't hope!

Adult Tonsillectomy

Hey! It's been a while since I last blogged, but I thought I would write about my surgery and try to remember as much as possible in case any other unfortunate adult has to get them out. Let's start with why I needed the surgery. Well in 2005 I went to Korea to teach English and had my first bought of Tonsilltis. It was terrible, I couldn't talk or breathe. I guess after you get a really bad bout of it your tonsils make these really deep valleys and things (I'll spare you the detail) accumulate in them and they remain infected. I was asked by my doctor 2 years ago to get them out and said No, and then this summer I was asked again and I said yes. Everytime I get sick it's with my throat and my old tonsils always were infected. (I will spare you more details). So I met my ENT in September and the surgery was booked for April 21st. Well April 21st was over a week ago (I can't believe it!). It was something that needed to get done, but man oh man was I not prepared for the recovery period. I know what you're thinking, thousands of kids get this surgery done and they're fine, it's totally different with adults! So let's go back to two Wednesdays ago, the night before my surgery. Jordan, Jacob and I went to Cheryl's for supper, we happy yummy taco salad and yummy desert. It's the last truly solid food I've eaten for 9 days now. (Yes I can no longer fit in my jeans, but just wait until I can eat again, I will fit right back into them lol). We had a wonderful evening of distractions such as Scentsy parties, Walking our pups off leash, and Jordan played x-box with her boys. It was a great evening. Although I was still so nervous. What if something happens in the surgery, what if I don't make it? Do I need to make a will? I can't leave Jacob behind etc. Although I did manage to sleep before my alarm went off on Thursday at 5:00 AM. We left for the hospital around 5:30 and we checked in and I changed into my nice "Prison" clothes complete with booties. I was getting really nervous. My Mom came and was going to stay until I was out of surgery and then go look after Jacob as I wouldn't be getting home until 2 or 3. So there I am waiting... I can't handle waiting, although I was pretty calm, it was all the prayers. THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! Finally I was walked to the operation waiting area and Jordan and I waited. Then another guy around 30 came in and he was getting the same surgery as me right after me. Anyways long story short, my surgery ended being really late and the guy and I were just chatting about our tonsil horror stories. Then I went to the bathroom one more time and was whisked off to the surgery room. I gave my hubby a kiss and a nurse grabbed two heated blankets and I was off. Seriously, our hospitals are not as glamorous or are the doctors as good looking as they are on Greys... True disappointment. (Oh yah the surgery nurse and anesthesiologist all came to meet with me before this). I asked for nausea medicine as I imagine barfing with a purely raw throat would be no fun. So I lay down on the bed and all I notice are all the people in the room, there were a lot and the BIG light above my head. Then they hooked up my IV and I started to cry, tears down my face, and they told the surgeon that I was just scared, then they put the mask on my face told me I will be out in 2 minutes and that's all I remember. Wow, what an incredible thing it is to be put out and not remember a thing! Still super scary!!!

So I wake up... I woke up in the surgery recovery room where there are lots of other people waking up. Now I know the last time I was put out I woke up crying, I don't know what about, but I was crying. Same with this time. I wake up, not fully aware of where I am or what just happened and I'm crying. The LOVELY *said with heavy sarcasm* nurses told me to stop crying already, and were like"Good Grief" to me. They were not nice. Anyways, I started coming to and was so dizzy I can still feel it now. Anyways then they wheeled me back to the day surgery recovery ward in the newest tower of the Foothills and I'm recovering. I am still so dizzy at this point I can barely stand it. Then the nicest nurse came and gave me an ice pack for my neck and a melted popsicle to try to eat and a glass of cold water. Then I told her that I have family outside and she went and got Jordan. Then I was laying and feeling like CRAP and they asked about my pain and they gave me extra meds...

Around 2 Jordan wheeled me out to the car and we were on our way home. I was so happy to be home, but also so out of sorts, all I could do was make laps around our island and try to sort all of what happened out. I put on lots of ice, drank as much water as I could and started taking my T3's.

Now the highlights. So... On day 3 I barged up my T3's twice. Let me just say it's much more traumatic with a raw throat. Verdict. Regular Tylenol just to take the edge off. So I haven't had any pain relief for about a week, so it goes I've heard with this surgery. Friday-Sun Jordan and my Mom took turns looking after me, and lucky for me my Mom doesn't sleep much so we watched lots of HGTV all through the night waiting for moments for me to get some rest. I slept on our lazyboy. On Tuesday the pain got a lot worse. I guess as the scabs heal it causes ear pain as the tonsil beds are very close to the ears, and I must say that seems to hurt more than the throat itself. It was like 1000 needles jabbing into my ear drum. Not fun! So I had to heat up a magic bag and put it on my ears.

Anyways nothing else during this time is much to mention. I was distracting myself a lot, getting some sleep, in between my tylenol every 4 hours, and playing lots of games on Facebook.

I have been sleeping in my bed for the last few days and it's made quite a difference. We have the humidity set at 60 in our room and it helps although I wake up to take my meds and it hurts really bad and I need about 30 minutes for the pins in my ears to stop.

Now I'm on day 8 and I'm hearing the scabs should be falling off soon. Apparently it's a weird happening, but the pain goes away once they're gone! So here's hoping I'm better by Monday, which would be day 10. I also see my doctor on day 10.

Two things I learned: The pain is worse than I could have imagined, and would not wish this on my worst enemy. 2nd. Love and support from family and friends (especially those sleepless nights with Mom & Jordan helping me) mean the world to me and I couldn't have done this alone.

Thank you for all your prayers and support, keep them up as I'm not out of the words yet! :)

Another life lesson

I'm actually writing this blog as I'm listening to the "Rusted Root" song "Send me on my way" and I'm dancing, really quite nerdily, is that an adjective?! (Must remember to teach it to my kids... they will believe me! LOL) (Seriously hoping Jordan doesn't catch me in my full nerdiness!!!). This song just has such a nice feeling and is upbeat. I actually like having the lyrics here and try singing with it haha, it's a challenge. See... I warned you I was tangent prone!!!! Okay... My next life lesson.

Here are the lyrics

"I would like to reach out my hand
I may see you, I may tell you to run
You know what they say about the young
Well pick me up with golden hands
Oh may see you, Oh may tell you to run
You know what they say about the young

Well I would like to hold my little, hand
How we will run We will. How we will crawl we will.
I would like to hold my little, hand.
How we will run we will. How we will crawl.

Send me on my way, on my way"

Next life lesson. I will probably always be learning what to say, when to say it, and how to say it and if I keep forgiving others, and myself I'll keep getting better.

James 3:6 "And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell."

Powerful? I think so! I think it's a constant struggle for me, and I'm sure lots of people to actually control the words that come out of my mouth sometimes. I actually feel like when I started this blog I was like... I'm going to say whatever is on my mind no matter what. Then I began thinking, well I can't really talk about work because that's not professional, I can't talk about bad things in my life because that might hurt someone's feelings, and man I shouldn't EVER say anything mean about so and so etc. It was actually a little frustrating because I really want to write things here that I would admit, I just don't have to the guts to do. I also realized, and well if I'm being honest, I've known this for a while... that when I'm holding onto things I'm not forgiving them and it's hurting me more than it's hurting them. Then last night again my cherished friend shared with me a simple yet SO profound (Isn't that the way it always is, I always find the most simplest things so profound, maybe I'm just simple or not profound lol okay back to business, oh and I always want to spell buisness like that, and it's wrong because it's business, seriously sorry). It says "I choose to forgive (A) for (B) and I release (A) into the freedom of my forgiveness and from my judgment. A= others, yourself or God B=What others, yourself and God (Perceived) has done (Be specific). After you say this prayer on your own, then you ask Jesus to come in and remove the pain and sting of this memory and pour in His peace. Isn't that profound? Just having this simple formula releases stress for me. I know what to say and how to say it. There are many things that I'm holding onto and then want to say something that is not "God inspired" or tell someone about how terrible someone else is, and yes there is time to vent, but there are still things that I'm holding onto from years and years ago. So this is what I'm learning...  Lots of those things that I might WANT to say to someone or FEEL like I NEED to say to them, if I had forgiven that person and prayed before I say it, I probably wouldn't end up saying it. Seriously, this is such a hard life lesson, but I am working on it!!! I am working on learning when, how and what to say.

This blog was actually hard to write about because, really, do I want to admit to the world (Really it's not the world reading this, but my dear friends but you are the world to me ;) ) to read this and know that I'm holding onto things?! It's scary, it's really scary. So anyways I'm saying it and I hope you still love me even though I'm working on it. Just know that I am definitely working on this and am learning day by day!

I wanted to close my blog tonight with another song "He knows my name" - This part makes me cry almost every time. How great the Saviors love for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"He knows my name, He knows my every thought, He sees each tear that falls and hears me when I call" -

Matthew 10:30 "But the very hairs of your head are numbered". Seriously, have we ever thought about this?! I must rant about something else even though you my readers thoughts my blog was done, muahahaha it IS not!! Do you remember ever trying to count the hairs on your cabbage patch doll only to find that big bald spot?! Okay well maybe I'm the only one who does, but I never ever counted every hair on their heads, and I have much more hair than a Cabbage Patch Doll, and God knows all of them?! AMAZING. SERIOUSLY AMAZING!!!! See... I warned you... simple things... are profound!!!!!!!

My first post...

I was always taught to start with my topic sentence. Let the reader know what to expect. Okay here goes nothing. I am always learning, I always want to keep growing, I want to get to know God better, I want to live life, I am learning who I am... All of these things lead me to my topic... I am... and right now... I am learning. I am hoping to share my thoughts on who I am, and my life, and hope to provide an outlet for some of my ramblings!! :) ENJOY :)

So... I've started actually a couple blogs before, and I'm not sure if this one will stay going, but here's worth a try! I ramble... I'm sorry to any who reads this, because I ramble... So I hope some of this will make sense!

I've felt like having a space to call my own where I can share my thoughts, feelings, and wonderings about life. My title "Fearfully and wonderfully made" makes so much sense to me right now. I have been going down a journey, this year, it seems to be in a place where I am learning some pretty tough life lessons. A recent discussion with my friend reminded me of this life lesson. "Some people want to deal with it, and some people want to shove it all under a rug and pretend like it didn't happen." For those who know me, they know I am not a rug shover, but definitely belong to the first camp. I learned this lesson, and learned that until some people are ready to deal with the truth (I hear myself saying "The TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!" (Wow I am so tanjent prone), and some aren't. That's where I feel like the Bible offers up so much wisdom, it says "but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head" Eph 4:15. Now...knowing this I also know that there is always a time and a place for such things, and it's hard when you really feel like it's MY time but you know it's not HIS time. It's a constant battle sometimes for me! I so desperately want to resolve and issue that it becomes to easy to speak that truth sometimes not in Love and not in His timing. I am learning this lesson, seriously. I was just having this conversation with a friend, who I admire greatly, about how to deal with people who are rug shovers while she is not. It's hard in our social context to not be polite, but it's also hard to "pretend" that things are hunky-dory (Is that how you spell that?!). It reminds me of training Jacob... When Jacob does something I don't like... I correct him... No discussion, no speaking the truth, it's just "No" and Jacob learns... Seriously, for some reason it doesn't work that way in the human world... (Just kidding!!!!)

Anyways, there's my first lesson... Some people are rug-shovers and some people are truth-shovers. I am hoping for a balanced, God inspired view on that one! What's your take on it?! Which side are you on? Anyone find a good balance?!

Anyways, I have to share a really cool story about how God looks after me! I was over at Hogie's... Now fellow blog readers, you will probably hear far too much about my puppy Jacob, and Hogie is his brother. God brought their owners together, Cheryl & Myself and we just get along amazingly! All through our dogs. ANYWAYS - we totally have playdates, like every week. When I go to Cheryl's she has this amazing wax light bulb smelly thing and it smells SO good. So just on my way out I said "Cheryl if you ever see one of those things again could you pick one up for me?" So it goes the lady who sells Sentsy was having a Sentsy *not sure of spelling* party that same evening and we high-tailed it to her party and I came home with one with the exact scent that Cheryl had (Eskimo Kiss). Needless to say, it's delicious and it relaxes me! It was just such a cool moment that it worked out perfectly! 

God is always there and looks after us!!